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Friday, September 22 2017 @ 01:29 PM EDT

PARENT - Job Description

Jokes

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

 

POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop


JOB DESCRIPTION :



Long term, team players needed, for challenging,


permanent work in an


often chaotic environment.


Candidates must possess excellent communication


and organizational skills and be willing to work


variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends


and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.


Some overnight travel required, including trips to


primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!


Travel expenses not reimbursed.


Extensive courier duties also required.



RESPONSIBILITIES :



The rest of your life.


Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,


until someone needs $5.


Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.


Also, must possess the physical stamina of a


pack mule


and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat


in case, this time, the screams from


the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.


Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,


such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets


and stuck zippers.


Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and


coordinate production of multiple homework projects.


Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings


for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.


Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,


an embarrassment the next.


Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a


half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.


Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.


Must assume final, complete accountability for


the quality of the end product.


Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and


janitorial work throughout the facility.



POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :



None.


Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,


so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you



PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :



None required unfortunately.


On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.



WAGES AND COMPENSATION :



Get this!   You pay them!


Offering frequent raises and bonuses.


A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because


of the assumption that college will help them


become financially independent.


When you die, you give them whatever is left.


The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that


you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.



BENEFITS :



While no health or dental insurance, no pension,


no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and


no stock options are offered;


this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,


and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.



AND A FOOTNOTE... 'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT  --  EVER!!!



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Tracked on Thursday, October 22 2015 @ 10:01 PM EDT

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